Sunday, January 10, 2010

girlcrazy about imboycrazy ...

So around November, at the height of my self imposed hibernation from the outside world, I found a new guilty pleasure and it has survived into my 2010: iamboycrazy blogspot. She's like an annoying sister you can't help but agree with, and she is harshly honest, she says the things you wish your friends would say to you (and vice versa) when you're fucking up, or you wish you could say to yourself. I like her brand of advice, it's funny-to-the-point, mostly common sense and obvious (see # 8), but we all need to hear those things because for some reason it is in the most obvious that we screw up... plus it's pretty-ly packaged in lip-gloss and lots of mascara. Her blind leading the blind is comical if only because it is often so true! This is the newest the blind leading the blind:

the blind leading the blind (part 30)- special ‘happy new year’ edition:

we did it! it’s totally 2010 bitch ass muthah-fuckahs! i hope you didn’t make toomany embarrassing mistakes on new years eve/ like ending the night throwing up in your own bathtub (while you were in it) like i did last year! this year i changed it up, and decided not to drink. i didn’t wanna start the new year all hungover and hazy. and you know what?…. because i didn’t drink, and had zero expectations; it ended up being the best new years eve of my entire life. no joke! it was epic! (i made out with four boys in one night! my mouth was like a human petri dish! on new years eve, all bets are off!) but that’s a post in itself, down the road. I’ve learned not to be too rawtoo soon from past posts. i need a bit of abuffer.
so what the fuck are we gonna do to ensure that 2010 is the most fan-fucking-tastic epic year yet? I’ll tell you! bam, boom, pow!
let’s get our shit together people:
1. burn sage- clear out your zone; home, work, locker, car, anywhere/everywhere!
2. shave your fucking legs bitches. what are you, a feral dog?! yowzers!
3. wear make-up! please! a little goes a long way. i really don’t think it wouldkill you to even out your skin tone and slap on some eyeliner and/or mascara!
4. stop drinking (i guarantee, you’ll lose 10 pounds of bloat!)
5. you need to exercise. yeah….. YOU! (i say, as i look at myself in the mirror.)
6. don’t do heroin! is it the mid nineties? cuz, last I checked, it was 2010. i know doc martins are back, but this is re-donkulous! heroin is totally lame andbad for you and will make you dead. for reals. heroin is in no way, shape, or form endorsed by at all! so cut that the fuck out! yeah, it’ll make you skinny, PLUS smell bad, AND super retard boring. but by the time you’re in a coffin, you won’t even notice!
7. treat people the way you want to be treated! i fuck up and don’t always live by this rule, but at least when i fuck up, i remember my behavior that I’m not proud of and i try not to repeat it! we’re always given opportunities to repeat the same mistakes. it’s like the universe is testing us. and when we learn and choose not to repeat those mistakes again and again… it’s like we passed the test!
8. use a fucking condom! are you serious? with aids, warts, herpes, chlamydia, hpv, gonorrhea, unwanted pregnancies that result in getting an abortion/having a miscarriages/putting a baby in a dumpster OR WORSE letting that baby beborn, etc…..  stop having unprotected sex! just because he’s a goody goody white boy wearing apc who claims he’s ‘clean’ while trying to stick it in you saying ‘i hate condoms, they’re so annoying, i don’t have anything (in regard to virus/disease/or condoms). shhhh, i really like you. (kiss, kiss.), blah blah blah….’ doesn’t mean it’s true! plus; the dude should be worried about what diseases your nasty vadge hole is holding hostage. the definition of ‘girl’isn’t: clean and made out of candy. (i mean, mostly it is, but not ALL the time).
9. everyone, please do this:
figure out what you love doing the most;
painting, writing, fucking dudes, dancing, math, science, helping people, dating, matchmaking, blogging, typing, giving birth, organizing shit, cooking, eating, juggling fire, hypnotizing strangers, talking, thinking, listening, fixing stuff, picking zits (ie: esthetician), arranging, working at a flower store, taking over the world, politics, law, being a doctor, gardening, flipping houses, designing clothes, drawing, throwing parties, collecting stickers, being bossy, opening a gallery, taking photos, building websites, dj’ing, mediating, solving problems, drinking coffee, flirting, babysitting, massage, selling stuff, reading, making stuff, advising people, singing, whatevs, a desk job, retail, repeating yourself….whatever! just get really honest with yourself and admit what it is that makes you wanna wake up early in the morning to do it!
and then, ACTUALLY do it!
THEN figure out how to makes lots of money doing just THAT!
(to be continued)

No comments:

Post a Comment